Parenting coach links adult trust to early emotional safety

Certified conscious parenting coach Reem Raouda says her work with more than 200 parent-child relationships shows that children remain willing to confide in parents when early family interactions make disclosure feel safe. The effect, she argues, can carry from childhood into adulthood, including for children at ages 7, 17 and 27.

Raouda, founder of The Safe Mom and creator of The Safe Mom Masterclass, says many parents assume affection or closeness will be enough for children to speak freely. In her account, the determining factor is often what children expect will happen after they share something difficult.

Her guidance centres on seven recurring behaviours she says are common among parents whose children keep turning to them over time.

Self-control before correction

Raouda says children are more likely to speak honestly when they are not bracing for a parent’s emotional reaction. Parents who know more about a child’s inner life, in her view, avoid treating a child’s distress as an emergency to fix or a threat to control.

The mechanism is straightforward: if a child expects anger, panic or judgment after opening up, the child has an incentive to withhold information. If the response is steadier, difficult topics become less risky to raise.

Parents show their own humanity

Raouda says some parents ask children to be emotionally transparent while revealing little about themselves. She argues that children are more willing to be open when they know what their parents care about, what weighs on them and what brings them energy.

That does not mean placing adult burdens on children. Raouda draws a distinction between age-appropriate self-disclosure and making children responsible for a parent’s emotional state.

Questions go beyond achievement

Many routine family conversations focus on schoolwork, grades, sports and visible milestones. Raouda says parents with stronger channels of communication also ask about how experiences felt, what was difficult and what their children have been thinking about.

Those questions signal that a child’s internal experience matters alongside performance, according to Raouda.

All emotions are allowed

Raouda says parents often welcome happiness and gratitude more readily than anger, envy, sadness or disappointment. Children, she argues, quickly learn which emotions will be accepted and which are better hidden.

Parents who stay emotionally close do not expect children to present only positive feelings, she says. They leave room for a wider range of emotional responses.

Repair follows conflict

Raouda says the parents she sees with close relationships to adult children do not rely on perfection. They revisit difficult exchanges, apologize and take responsibility when they have been too harsh.

In her view, repair teaches children that conflict does not have to end connection. That lesson can make it easier for children to return after a hard conversation rather than avoid future ones.

Children are not made emotional caretakers

Raouda says she has worked with children who monitor adults closely, delay difficult conversations, conceal mistakes or try to prevent parental upset. She describes healthier relationships as those in which children are not expected to manage adult feelings.

When children believe they will have to comfort or stabilize a parent after speaking, they may choose silence instead, according to Raouda.

Conversation is invited, not forced

Raouda says parents often respond to short answers by asking more questions, but more questioning can feel like an interview. She recommends creating ordinary opportunities for conversation, including sharing parts of the parent’s own day and spending time together without a fixed agenda.

Those small openings, she says, help children see a parent as someone available when conversations become harder.

This story draws on original reporting from CNBC.