Therapist says couples can improve daily talks with sharper questions

Psychotherapist Amy Morin says couples who rely on the same daily prompt, such as asking how work went, may miss opportunities for more useful communication. In a CNBC essay, Morin said many couples she sees in therapy report feeling more like housemates than romantic partners when their conversations fall into repetitive patterns.

Morin, a clinical social worker and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do,” said there is nothing wrong with asking about a partner’s workday. Her point is that the question often produces either a short answer or a list of frustrations, neither of which reliably builds closeness.

She advised couples to keep a set of alternative questions that invite reflection, gratitude and practical support. The aim, she wrote, is to help partners communicate better while developing mental strength as individuals and as a couple.

Questions designed to shift the conversation

Morin’s first suggested question is: “What was the best part of your day?” She said people tend to remember negative events more easily than positive ones, so asking for a highlight can move the discussion toward optimism and gratitude. She linked both qualities to research associated with mental health benefits.

She also recommended asking: “What’s something that didn’t go as planned?” Morin said the wording allows a partner to describe difficulty without framing the evening conversation around the worst part of the day. It can also give the listener a better sense of how the other person handled disruption.

Another prompt, “Who made your day easier?”, is meant to redirect attention from complaints about managers or colleagues toward people who provided help. Morin said the answer can sometimes include the partner, such as when one person reduces pressure at home by handling a family task.

Morin’s fourth question is: “What are you feeling hopeful about?” She cited research linking hope with a stronger sense of meaning in life. The answer, she wrote, does not need to be broad or dramatic; it may be tied to something as ordinary as having more time to rest after a work event ends.

From emotional check-ins to practical help

Morin said couples can also ask: “What would make for a good night for you?” The question is intended to prevent work stress from carrying unexamined into the evening. A partner might ask for a walk, a meal, or a low-effort shared activity, rather than leaving the other person to guess.

She advised making support more specific with the question: “What can I take off your plate tonight?” Morin contrasted that with a general offer to help, saying a concrete proposal, such as taking responsibility for dinner, can reduce a partner’s decision load. She added that the purpose is to share responsibilities rather than treat help as a favor.

The final question Morin proposed is: “What’s something you did today to grow mentally stronger?” She said the prompt can help partners recognize moments of resilience, such as speaking up, setting a boundary, or getting through an avoided task.

Morin said couples can make these questions a regular ritual. Her broader recommendation is to replace automatic exchanges with more deliberate curiosity, so nightly conversations do not become stale or limited to workplace updates.

This story draws on original reporting from CNBC.